I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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