No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
