The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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