I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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