Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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