I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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