Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
