Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
