You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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