shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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