mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
