Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
