I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
