He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
this is an emotional support booty call
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
