Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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