I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
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