College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
