I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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