I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
