he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
