So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
