I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
