Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
