You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
