She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
