Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
