After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
