I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
