It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
