She said her name was "party"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Randomize
