So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
