Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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