If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
