I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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