I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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