I love black thongs
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
