maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
