i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize