she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize