dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
