I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize