He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
