Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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