I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
