so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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