Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize