I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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