so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
