I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
