Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
