halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
