hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
