sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
