would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did i walk over a car last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
