bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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