I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
