I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
