woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
