batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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