They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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