he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
