I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
