I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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