It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
