the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
