fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
