Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
